TORCH #901: MITCHELLS MEMO  By Bruce Mitchell, Torch columnist
What about Kanyon?
I'm sure it was the same for you as it was for me. Sometime late last week the world titled on its axis. Chris Kanyon, but not Kanyon (TM WWE Inc.), so well remembered for his role during the height of the famed Monday Night Wars as Skeleton Guy, the one who wrestled Ice Guy, or for his famous catch phrase "Who's Bettuh Than Kenyun!" (TM WWE Inc) or a little less remembered for his dead-on DDP Lite imitation (give it a minute, it'll come back to you) released his Homosexual Manifesto.

    What exactly is your problem with my announcement?  What exactly is your problem with me?  As a "reporter," do you feel any obligation to be impartial or to be accurate in reporting facts?  From reading your column, I have to assume the answer to both these questions is a resounding, "No." 

    To downplay my 14-year career and my accomplishments definitely shows you are not a fan of mine or of my work.  Many people do remember, miss, and appreciate Mortis, and although the character only lasted about 8 months and wrestled about 8 years ago, even you remember it.  The amount of fan mail and the amount of fans that approach me to this day about Mortis makes me very proud of what Mortis was. My catch phrase is a very memorable one and has definitely stood the test of time.  And many people feel the "Positively Kanyon" aspect of my career was some of the most creative and entertaining aspects of the Nitro era following the arrival of Russo.  And to downplay any of the mid-carders who worked so hard during our year and a half plus winning streak over the WWF is not seeing the big picture and definitely not giving some credit where credit is due.

Anyone who read every word of his twelve page press release (Okay, I confess, I got lost midway through the first page. Apparently Caldwell finished it and got rewarded with Kanyon's seventeen page Homosexual Manifesto II for his trouble. I didn't read that, either...)

    To make the comments about my press release without reading it in its entirety is the very definition of poor journalism.  To report that it was 12 pages when it was only 1 1/2 is absurd.   At least you were honest enough to report that you were not bright enough to understand my press release ("Okay, I confess, I got lost midway through the first page"), although virtually no one of the 30,000 blog views on my Myspace (www.myspace.com/ChrisKanyon) wrote back to me saying that they were confused. But you, the one of 30,000 that was confused, you feel obligated to report on something you don't understand.  You mention your colleague, Caldwell, who also wrote an article on me, but when I took it apart, paragraph for paragraph and called him out on his inaccuracies and insinuations, he refused to answer my questions and comments.  You talk of my "17" page response to him although again, you admit you did not read it.  Maybe if you did read my blogs in their entirety you wouldn't be so confused and you wouldn't write such ill informed and inaccurate articles.  Oh, and in case you are concerned with actual facts, the response to Caldwell's article without copying Caldwell's comments is only 2 1/2  pages, not 17 pages, but when trying to bury someone, who cares about actual facts. 

("Anyone who read.") now knows that the character Chris Kanyon, as opposed to the sports entertainer playing the character Chris Kanyon who also goes by the name Chris Kanyon, has always been homosexual only no one knew it and now we do.
This Chris Kanyon, Chris Kanyon revealed in his Homosexual Manifesto, is different from the sports entertainer Chris Kanyon who plays the now revealed to be Homosexual Chris Kanyon. That Chris Kanyon may or may not Homosexual, but Chris Kanyon promises to reveal that, too, sometime in the future, no doubt in Homosexual Manifesto III. The Chris Kanyon who wrote the Homosexual Manifesto, you probably ask yourself, is he Homosexual, too?
I don't know. I got confused.

At least you again mention the ease with which you get confused.  So here is the opening lines of the original press release.  I wonder if everyone who reads this gets as easily confused as Mitchell:  CHRIS KANYON IS THE FIRST EVER OPENLY GAY ACTIVE PRO ATHLETE IN THE FIVE MAJOR MALE US SPORTS OF PRO BASEBALL, BASKETBALL, WRESTLING, FOOTBALL OR HOCKEY.  Now, the question is this:  Am I, Chris Klucsarits, the person behind the pro wrestling character known as Kanyon, the person who wrestles as Kanyon, am I also homosexual?  Is the Kanyon character partially autobiographical, a complete mirror image of Chris Klucsarits, or a total work of fiction?  

            I really don't know how I could have been any more clear without revealing Chris Klucsarits' sexuality, although, if you read all the blogs, that was part of the point: to not reveal Chris Klucsarits' sexuality to raise the question of does Chris Klucsarits' sexuality matter and is it anyone's business?  Otherwise, I was very clear in separating the character of the wrestler Chris Kanyon from the person who portrays that character, Chris Klucsarits.  How did he possibly get so confused?  Could he really be that simple?

Like you, though, I struggled with Chris Kanyon's Homosexual Manifesto. In the face of this sociological and cultural breakthrough in our business, how was I, as just one person, supposed to react? What was I to do?
Then it hit me. Like Chris Kanyon (the one who wrote the Homosexual Manifesto, not the character. I think.) I had a epiphany.
Like Chris Kanyon, though, I'm not to going to tell you directly, because it's not the destination, it's the journey. What should you think about Chris Kanyon's Homosexual Manifesto?
Put it like this. Imagine someone wants you to get excited about a new sports or entertainment product. They tell you one of the following:
"Hey, have you seen that movie Brokeback Mountain? You gotta check it out. It's about Homosexuals!"
-or-
"Hey, have you seen that new singer? You gotta check her out. She's Homosexual!"
-or-
"Hey, have you seen that new player on our team? You gotta check him out. He's Homosexual!!"
-or-
"Hey, have you seen that new wrestler at the indy show down at the Armory? You gotta check him out. He's Homosexual!"
Now imagine someone tells you this instead:
"Hey, have you seen that movie Brokeback Mountain? You gotta check it out. It's really good!"
-or-
"Hey, have you seen that new singer? You gotta check her out. She can really sing!"
-or-
"Hey, have you seen that new player on our team? You gotta check him out. He can really play!!"
-or -
"Hey, have you seen that new wrestler at the indy show down at the Armory? You gotta check him out. He really kicks ass!"
Which ones are you going to buy?

I think you skipped an option:  "Hey, have you seen that movie Brokeback Mountain? You gotta check it out. It's really good!  And, it is ground breaking, because not only is it good, but it is about a gay love story."

-or-

"Hey, have you seen that new player on our team? You gotta check him out. He can really play!! And, not only is he good, but he is the first openly gay active pro baseball player in the country" 

Etc.

You see, yeah, Brokeback Mountain is a good movie.  But if the main characters were a male and a female, I believe it would not be getting all the attention it is getting.  It definitely would not be the subject of so many jokes.  It would just be another good movie and certainly would not be recommended by so many.  But, because of the homosexual subject matter and the groundbreaking way with which it is covered, it is news.  If someone said, check out this movie, or this singer, or this wrestler, or this baseball player, they are pretty good, I am not sure that that would be enough to peak my interest.  But if they are first at something, or groundbreaking in some way, or trying to raise important sociological and psychological questions thru their performance, than I would be more apt to check them out. 

            If my initial Blog was "Is Kanyon Good," I wonder how many articles would have been written about me?   I wonder how many Myspace profile and blog views and how many friend requests I would have had?  To give you an idea, prior to the Blog, "Is Kanyon Gay", in the 7  Months my Myspace was up, I had about 11,700 profile views and 1805 friend requests.  . In the 2 weeks since I put it up, I have had  about an additional 8100 profile views, 1500 friend requests, and almost 30,000 blog views.  That comes out to about 56 vs. 506 profile views per day,  8.6 vs. 92.1 friend requests per day and 1875 blog views per day.

So, in closing, based on the numbers above, let me say that apparently people are interested to see how this plays out.  People are interested in this new aspect of my character and to see how much of the character is autobiographical.  If you don't think they are, check out the comments on my Myspace, or if you want, I can show you some of the e-mails I received.  I have inspired people.  I have helped people.  I know what I am doing is good and that I am being honest and that I am doing what I am doing for the right reasons.  Now I wonder.   Can you honestly say the same things about that article you wrote about me?  Honestly?  Do you even know how to be honest? I wonder.