NY POST ARTICLE ON GRIDIRON GANG
  • 09/10/2006 (10:36:43 am)
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This article was sent in by Jeff Sheridan from today's New York Post on the Rock "Gridiron Gang".

THE FOOTBALL FLICK
PLAYBOOK


FILM THIS FORMULA AND SCORE!

THE FOOTBALL FLICK PLAYBOOK By REED TUCKER - New York Post Online Edition: Seven

By REED TUCKER


 PASS, OR FAIL: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in "Gridiron Gang" (above). Photo: John Bramley PASS, OR FAIL: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in "Gridiron Gang" (above).
Photo: John Bramley
September 10, 2006 -- SPEAK up if you've heard this one before: In the feel-good story of the year, a hard-luck case gets a once-in-a-lifetime chance to prove himself on the football field. As he and the team rack up a series of unlikely victories, our hero defeats his own personal demons and comes out the other side a better -

Oh, yeah, you've heard it.

No surprise there. That by-the-numbers story happens to be the plot of most every football movie ever, including "Gridiron Gang," opening Friday, and the current Mark Wahlberg-er, "Invincible."

But for some reason, predictability in the football genre doesn't necessarily equal bad. In fact, it often equals gold. "Invincible" has been unbeatable at the box office two weeks running, 2005's remake of "The Longest Yard" hauled in an impressive $158 million and "Remember the Titans" earned $115 million.

There's mad cash to be made from football, and not just by betting the spread. If you've been thinking about breaking off a little of that green for yourself by writing a pigskin classic, here's a simple 7-point recipe passed down from before Ronald Reagan implored the Fightin' Irish to win one for the Gipper.

1 Start with the words, "Based on a true story."

And you'll get bonus points if your screenplay is "Based on the incredible true story." No one wants to see something you just made up out of your head, dummy. "Gridiron Gang" is based on real events. So were "Remember the Titans," "Rudy" and Reagan's "Knute Rockne All American." Evidently, stories are infinitely more powerful if the audience can sit in a dark theater and know these clichés happened to real folks.

2 The team must be made up of a ragtag group of stereotypes.

By law, you must include The Fat Guy (see: Lester, Ron in "Varsity Blues" and the guy who played Jumbo in "The Replacements.") After that, it's up to you. Good bets are Cocky Star Guy, Angry Black Guy and the always reliable Son of a Legend Who's Feeling Pressure to Please Daddy.

3 Make the hero a lovable underdog with "no dadburned business being out there."

In "Invincible," Wahlberg plays a 30-year-old bartender who never played college ball but decides to try out for the Philadelphia Eagles. In "Any Given Sunday," Jamie Foxx plays an unknown third-stringer who has to lead the team to glory after the star quarterback is injured. In "Rudy," Rudy is played by a hobbit. Enough said.

4 Please include an inspiring musical montage during which the team actually learns to play.

Cue music. Anything by Survivor will do. Cut to Guy Who Can't Catch a Pass actually catching a pass. Cut to grizzled coach nodding approvingly. Cut to hard tackles. Cut to well-executed plays. Cut to team high-fiving. Cut back to grizzled coach nodding approvingly.

5 In Act III, add a possibly season-derailing tragedy.

Nothing gooses a story like unforeseen disaster. Like casting James Van Der Beek as a jock. Your particular tragedy, however, should happen within the script. In "Friday Night Lights," Boobie Miles seriously injures his knee. In "Remember the Titans," Gerry Bertier is paralyzed in a car crash. In "Brian's Song," Brian Piccolo goes to the great end zone in the sky.

6 The heroic underdogs must face one, final Opponent That Cannot Be Beaten.

This team is too big and too powerful. They also make cracks about the underdog teammate's mothers. For our heroes to capture the championship though, they must be defeated. But it can't possibly be done, unless ...

7 The tough-love coach can give an inspiring speech, supposedly about Football but really about Life, and teaches the players what they're all about.

"The people of Philadelphia have suffered," intones a dead-serious Greg Kinnear in "Invincible." "You are what gives them hope. Let's win one for them." And while we're at it, let's win an Oscar. Or at the very least a People's Choice. Billy Bob Thornton teaches the meaning of togetherness in "Friday Night Lights." In "Gridiron Gang," The Rock explains to these hard-luck convicts that they "are somebody!"

Somebody who needs to make better script choices.

With all these elements in place, anyone can craft a powerful, moving football movie. It may not be original, but you can be sure of one thing: James Van Der Beek is available to star.

 

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