| | Hemme Powered :-) Being a women in the wrestling business means you need to wear a thick skin. Sometimes your skin gets so thick, vulnerability and willingness to give all of yourself hardens to the cement of protection. When I first got into the business I could feel a deep passion for something so special that I had never felt before. I gave everything I had to give to this new found love. The same way you do when you fall in love with a man or women.
Well I have to be honest... I had never let myself fall in love with a man before. I grew up with one of those strong women attitudes that I could do everything myself. Don't carry my bags, don't open my door, don't pay me a compliment, I don't need it because I don't need anyone to help, care about or love me. Even though I could consciously keep myself from being in a truly intimate relationship with a man I didn't realize I could fall for this secret world that we all love, wrestling.
My departure from WWE was on my own terms because I stuck to my guns on my morals and values as a human being. I knew in my gut that it would be the end, but I also knew that carrying guilt for knowingly doing something against what I believed wasn't worth getting ahead. Leaving broke my heart... but doing the right thing is something I will always be proud of.
Going to TNA, I went in with all intentions of not letting my experience at WWE effect what I still felt compelled to do. I could feel the heart of this company was good and held an unspeakable magic. I unknowingly had the outwardly reaction of a guarded rebounder. I never lost my passion because I don't believe you can when it is a part of your being... but I did bury it under my thick skin. It was so obvious to me that everyone could sense my protective layer, but at the same time I felt paralyzed in allowing love to escape my pores because having your heart broken feels like you lose a part of yourself.
Life is so full of surprises. My heart was recently broken once again. Surprisingly, my recent feeling of loss gave me a unexpected gift. This heartbreak shattered the protective skin I used as a wall from my emotions, allowing me to connect more than ever before. Sometimes it takes something really big to knock down the wall of protection you create and show you where you are. My feelings of loss were only the exertion of energy it takes to protect myself from the unknown. My wall is GONE and I feel so humbled to be more open, eager, hopefull, excited and passionate than I have in my entire life.
My passion for wrestling is exploding from being held for so long. I do have to say, sitting on the sidelines has been extremely beneficial. Its like I spent all that time downloading info that I can now deliver and express in a way I couldn't keeping the wall I did. I've started training again, and have to give HUGE thank you's to AJ Styles, Samoa Joe and Jimmy Rave... hurting has never felt so good!
It was never really my bag to just be the hot girl anyways...
So watch out Knockouts because HEMME POWERED is back! CHRISTY HEMME'S MYSPACE |
