by Gary Gaffney, MD, Steroid Nation

Last week opened with President George Bush throwing out the first ball at the Washington Nationals spanking new stadium. Bush snubbed Mitchell-report steroid-busted Nat's catcher Paul LoDuca, rather tossing the ball to the Nat's manger Manny Acta. Interesting because Bush co-owned the Texas Rangers about the time, Typhoid-Steroid-Mary Jose Canseco rode into Arlington Texas.

The main events for last week's 'roid action occurred in the San Francisco Bay area, and wherever Typhoid Jose Canseco chose to inject himself into the action.

A San Francisco courtroom could barely contain the ego or beard of now-defendant former-cyclist Tammy Thomas. Thomas, an elite cyclist at one time, found herself banned from cycling when she tested positive for shaving and for the steroid norbolethone (precursor to THG, the clear). The story goes that one surprised tester saw shaving cream on Thomas' face when she answered the door for a unscheduled doping test.

IRS-BALCO superstar investigator Jeff Novitzky held court in court during the trial last week. Novitzky will also be bringing the heat when Barry Bonds sits on the hot seat later this summer; it was expected the Thomas trial might presage the US Government's game plan for the Bonds proceedings.

Thomas herself had much to lose in this trial. She attends law school at the University of Oklahoma, following her ban from cycling because of the drug-cheating. If convicted of perjury or obstruction of justice, it would be doubtful if Thomas would be accepted into a state bar for the practice of law. Why did Thomas not simply shave off the mask of secrecy to testify truthfully when she was given immunity in the original BALCO Grand Jury? Tell the truth, and all would be forgiven. Is it in the DNA?

The jury announced a very unfavorable verdict for Thomas late Friday: she was convicted of several counts of perjury, and one count of obstruction. Apparently forgetting that she will be sentenced by the sitting judge, she screamed at the jurors and the prosecuting attorneys: "I already had one career taken away from me. Look me in the eye. You can't do it.''

As the LA Times suggests, Thomas might look herself in the mirror to inspect the cause of her demise. Her 'roid rage in the courtroom just might prompt the judge to require Thomas look even longer into the eyes of her jailers, at sentencing.

Further down the bay, Victor Conte announced he will be penning a 'tell-all' book on the BALCO conspiracy. That prompted a lawsuit from fighter Shane Mosley who Conte says will be named as a juicer. A certain baboon might also be retaining a lawyer, as it served as a steroid guinea pig in Dr. Don Catlin's UCLA lab during the BALCO investigation. No reports on disturbances of the baboon's shaving habits.

Jose Canseco cannot refrain from the bright lights and dark comments. Canseco appeared on Letterman to promote his new book 'Vindicated' He also accused the White Sox brass of knowing player like Maggs Ordonez juiced. The White Sox were not amused. Neither are MLB investigators who chased Canseco into a New York bathroom, nor the government who says they have Canseco and his pal Roger Clemens in compromising photos at the Florida party.

Relating to Roger Clemens, his ex-trainer -- and chief accuser -- Brain McNamee, put some Clemens memorabilia up for bidding on Ebay. The items brought over 4000.00. We at Steroid Nation want the Rocket's bloody syringes for the DNA (we aren't going to clone Clemens, really)

It was revealed last week that juiced-pro wrestler Chris Benoit's wife Nancy text-messaged him about 'roid rage before he went ultimate 'roid rage on everyone. Incredibly, Bill Romanowski did not go 'roid rage on the guy who Photo Shopped his head onto the Romo Raider body.

Ken Griffey Jr. said the professionalism he learned from his father prevented him from juicing. However, Griffey might object to the long term effects on muscle that unprofessional anabolic steroid users seem to acquire, as noted in scientific studies. Perhaps this steroid priming is needed for the anabolic effects of HGH for drug-cheating sluggers. Might these chronic changes contribute to those career home run records certain Bay Area players recently set. Or to the single season records set by Big Mac Missouri players in St Louis, where a state lawmaker says juicers should suffer consequences or else. Stay tuned, we might learn more about these juicy issues later in the summer.